For many years I have nurtured the dream of living full-time ‘en femme’. What TV doesn’t? But I really wanted to make my dream reality and with my advancing years, it had become a case of if I don’t do it now I never will. I wanted the transition to be more than just the clothes though. I had become increasingly unhappy with what the ravages of time had done to my face and I have always felt my lack of chin had held me back as regards my looks. I needed more than a face-lift, I wanted FFS (Facial Feminisation Surgery). I also wanted ‘real’ breasts (if implants can ever be regarded as real!).

But I did not want to have Sexual (sometimes called Gender) Reassignment Surgery (SRS/GRS) which of course means removal of the penis and the creation of an artificial vagina. I do not actually consider myself a transsexual as I have no desire to lose my male sexuality and I’ve never taken hormones. Being heterosexual I will always remain attracted to women (I still remain ever hopeful of one day finding a lady friend/companion – though I acknowledge my chances of this happening have been significantly reduced now!).

Immediately after the surgery my face was a multi-coloured mess

I have no immediate plans to change my identity documents though I may do so at some future date as there is no legal impediment to doing so even without the SRS. I don’t travel abroad much these days but even if I do, reports from others suggest I am unlikely to have problems presenting myself as female with a male passport (might get my passport photo changed though). I have had the ‘Mr’ removed from my credit card (most banks will do that on request) and any other times I may need to show documents with my male name I will just be upfront about the situation.

In March 2007 I flew to Bangkok for the surgery. I chose Bangkok as the prices there are so very much cheaper than UK. The total cost of all the surgery was less than £8000 but I reckon it would have been at least double in UK. This is a huge saving, even after adding £450 for the air flight and £160 for the hotel (yes a double room for 2 weeks – and the hotel was not at all bad). But there is no compromise in the quality of the surgery. The surgeon who treated me was Dr Chettawut who is well known and highly recommended within the TS community. The facilities were first class and the private hospital was superior to any NHS hospital I’ve seen in the UK. The standard of care from the wonderfully delightful Thai nursing staff was absolutely superb. All round I would say there is everything to be said for going to Bangkok.

	Sightseeing at the Royal Palace and Temples the day before I left Bangkok. I wore a head scarf to partly hide the facial pressure bandage which I had to wear for one month after surgery

The surgery went well. The pain was not as bad as I expected and quite tolerable. My breasts hurt (and are still quite tender two months later) and were fairly flat at first but they are taking on a more natural shape now with the help of prolonged massage sessions a few times a day (not as erotic as it sounds as it mostly involves applying very firm pressure for up to 15 minutes a time each breast). My face still feels a bit leathery in places but is getting better every day. Worst is my lower lip which is permanently numb and I believe it can be a year or two before that goes (for some people apparently it never gets fully back to normal).

The few friends who have seen the new me so far say there is a great improvement and how much more feminine I look. Overall I am very pleased but I do still have some sagging of the jowls which partially obscures the beautiful new jaw line that the doctor has given me. Also I would like to have the wrinkles removed from my upper lip. Neither of these ‘defects’ are noticeable when I smile (as in the photo) but when my face is relaxed, I do feel they detract from the otherwise much improved look. So I will probably go back to Bangkok in a few months for a little more work. (See part 2)

Martine Rose